Friend Request

When I first saw the notification on Facebook that she and my husband were friends, I immediately reached for those "my feelings are hurt" thoughts. It was a familiar cloak that I wrapped around my shoulders - an immediate response. She did this (smoked pot with my children present), she did that (arranged a drinking foray with one of my husband's old girlfriends without inviting me along), she is this (a mixer).....I have a long list of what SHE did to ME. It's interesting how immediate my response to the notification was....all the feelings came flooding back. How threatened I felt. How I let her create my reality.

Then I thought more about it, especially after my husband opened my eyes to a new perspective. SHE can't do anything to ME, without my permission. SHE doesn't have that kind of power. I have been "giving" her that power but I don't have to do that anymore. She can't create my reality.

I am looking at her in a new light....I now feel sorry for her. She doesn't know any other way and that's unfortunate for her. She married a man who comes on to other women. That's just sad for her. That probably undermines her femininity, her sexuality, her inability to keep her man from looking elsewhere. And that, in turn, makes her miserable, I'm sure. So she smokes pot to escape her reality, she gets involved in other people's lives because she can't control her own. Sad.

AND, here's what I've surmised and it's eye-opening for me. Instead of wondering what I did or what I'm lacking when people choose not to be friends with me, I realize they are actually doing me a huge favor. It shows me who they really are right up front. They are willing to miss out on what I offer. And, as a friend, I offer a lot. People say flippantly, when they've been hurt, "it's their loss!" But really think about those words....it IS their loss.

She has never taken the time to get to know me and, without trying to sound like an egomaniac, I'm awesome. She won't get to add to her life what I would bring. I'm funny, irreverent, loving, and loyal. She is going to miss out on that.

And, it's exactly like Maya Angelou says "When people show you who they are, believe them the first time." She didn't do things TO me in the past.....she just showed me who she is. And I need to thank her for that.